I hope everyone is enjoying my very straight to the point blog titles. As a fairly creative individual it pains me to leave the poetry out of my writing, but I've decided to go for function over form. These kind of titles offer those looking for answers on Google a greater chance of finding this page. While this decision process seems fairly trivial it can be seen as a simple analogy for today's blog.
People often say that they like to make a decision based on logic and reason. Unfortunately logic and reason aren't always reliable. Logic and reason can be bent in order to confirm the way you feel. I often ask clients to try and rely on their Values as opposed to their Fears.
Take the following example. A client is presented with the option of visiting a relative who often causes her stress when she visits. The client feels distant from this relative because she often doesn't listen to what she has to say. However, they feel compelled to visit the relative because that relative has always looked after the client throughout her childhood and still behaves in a way that demonstrates a caring relationship (e.g. is very hospitable, buys thoughtful presents, calls regularly). The decision is clearly fraught with fears.
To take bring this to a simple conclusion, I would ask the client what their values are regarding relationships, and whether their annoyances, frustrations, and fears for the relationship due to the communication issues are worth more than the relationship itself. If the answer is yes, then it might be time to confront the relative with her fears and perhaps start sticking up for her boundaries in a far more certain manner. If the answer is no, then it might be time to rethink the relationship, reframe the annoyances and frustrations in a different light and try changing her behaviour to bring out a new relationship.
Clearly, this simplifys matters somewhat. Once again, that is why counselling face to face can be so important. Together we can talk through the complexities with which you are faced.